No picture in this entry, time fails me at present…
Hopefully, this will be the last time that I blog about a certain someone. I am not doing this to throw anyone under the bus, nor embellish on private matters. But I will say this. A year ago around this time, I’d just break down and cry my butt off over this woman that I’d given my heart to. Fast forward 365 days (and some change) down the road, I’m actually saying to myself; “Thank GOD I dodged that bullet!” Wow. The reason I’m bringing this up is because this was but a very humbling, learning experience for me. I was in a two-year relationship with a woman over ten years younger than me. Now I’ve had girlfriends in the past, but none like this one! I also want to make clear that the relationship that I was in was not a loss in its entirety, but seeing that I have some experience in the “dating game”, as it were, my eyes were opened to a lot of things that I’d never known before. It embarrasses me to submit that I have led a very sheltered life, and really didn’t start venturing out until later in life. I enjoyed it to some point, but I think that I was sheltered longer than I should’ve been. So, that being said, I’ve learned (or re-learned) things at 37 (38 next month) that I should’ve learned as a teeenager. And if I did know them then, then I’ve went through a major brain fart for the last 20 plus years. By no means am I looking for pity, nor seeking advice, or even trying to cover up some past errors of either myself, or my ex. But, it wasn’t until after our final breakup that due to my ignorance, stupidity, leading a sheltered life, and wanting to still do my own thing, that I began to realize that in a committed relationship, things change! Period. I have learned that next to God, your partner comes first (I knew all along, but paid it little attention at that time). And always appreciate that person in your life. Even if that person nags you, criticizes you, doubts what dreams you may have, whatever. All this time, I was blinded by the fact that this young lady walked out on me after we was gonna try to give our relationship another go. Around that time, her mother had succumbed to cancer. It took me awhile to catch on, but after talking with some older and mature people about the subject, I began to look at the picture instead of the frame. That being said, I was finally, reluctantly, able to move on. This woman had left me in a better condition than she found me three years ago. I didn’t catch on then, but because of her, I went through some major changes in my life. She had gotten her Associate’s Degree from Baker College, that, in turn, inspired me to wanna go back to school. Which I’ve been doing for over a year now. So hopefully by 2015, I’ll have that Associate’s Degree on my resume as well. She does poetry, and I told her (after she asked) that I used to do it alot when I was a kid, and tried to get back into it in my 20s, but to no avail. Around age 34, I’ve been doing that nonstop ever since. And since we grew up in the same faith, and were raised by single mothers, we shared quite a bit in common. So again, it wasn’t a loss, but as I’ve said earlier, my constant blundering contributed to the fallout of our relationship. It wasn’t until recently that I figured out that this woman did more looking out for me than I did for her. I really regret that I wasn’t the man that I should’ve been for her, but at the same time, it hurts me even more that this had also cost us our friendship. I hope that I can have her as a friend again down the road. Only God has the final say in that, and I’ll leave it in his hands from here on out.
I enjoyed those two years that I spent with her. I have learned that when someone chooses you, you are their priority, not vice versa. You accept everything about that individual. If you can’t do even that, then just let him/her be. Save yourself some unnecessary embarrassment. When that person chooses you, he/she will open their heart to you and reveal some things to you that they didn’t have the heart to confide in someone else. They’re doing this because they feel that they can trust you. The worst that you can do is make them regret it. If they have done some things in their pasts that they’ve later regretted, just leave it where it is-in the past where is belongs. Again, this is where acceptance comes into the picture. If you can’t handle that, then just (respectfully) walk away.
Lessons well learned. I say I dodged the bullet, because I almost dove into something that I really wasn’t fully committed to. I thought I was, but I had some issues of my own that I had to deal with, so in spite of the off-and-on joy that I enjoyed with this beautiful woman (she’s beautiful to me even to this day), things worked themselves out. And again, I hope that we can at least restore our friendship in the near future. One more thing that I can rightfully say about relationships, is that there’s always something about that individual that’s gonna stand out the most to you. I think about her. One thing about her that stood out to me the most…
Her favorite color was pink. In all the years I’ve known this woman, I’ve never seen here without pink on. Even if she wore abstract colors, she’d always have something pink on. I regret not observing that earlier. I vowed to myself and to my god that if I ever find another woman like her, I’m not gonna mess it up.
Again, in a committed relationship, everything changes. Everything!
It’s time that I start realizing that. My humble thanks to Kavya Dubashi for opening up my eyes!