Where do I even begin with this one? This entry’s gonna be quite lengthy, so no picture with this, not now, anyway.
I knew that from my birth on that something was missing from me, but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. One night, I asked mom how many kids did she have, and ironically she said “two”. I’d asked where was the other one, and she said that he didn’t make it. Long story short, mom had revealed to me that my brother and I were twins. I knew that something was missing from me, and it would affect me for the rest of my life. I later learned that Elvis Presley (he was deceased just a few years at the time) also had a twin. It’s been thirty years now since mom shared that revelation with me. To this day, even though I’m in the “only child” status, I was born a twin, and most times I’ll say that I’m a twin even though my brother’s been dead before our birth together.
I can only imagine how our lives would be if he were here today. And if he had all his senses as well. Mom told me that had he lived, he’d be severely retarded and we’d have to care for him for the rest of his life. Hate to sound selfish, but on that note, I’m glad he didn’t make it, but on the flip side, I miss him so much. I grew up with twins, went to school with twins, attended the Kingdom Hall with twins (currently do), work with twins, I am virtually surrounded by twins all the time. And it’s very heartwarming to know that I am a part of that clique, as it were, but on the flip side I still feel this emptiness inside of me. I know that I’ll see my twin brother again, I just have to wait. But just the thought of it just makes me wanna rush my way through the new world. But that won’t happen. My arms are too short to box with God anyway.
It’s amazing, tho. I’ve embraced my twin status more times in recent years than I have my entire life. People ask me to this day if I have any siblings, and sometimes I’ll say “I’m a twin”, or I’ll embellish and say “but he’s gone”, or “he didn’t make it”. Even though I am currently an only child, my birth certificate reads T-, W-, I-, N, not “Single”. That being said, I’ll say either “I am”, or “I was” a twin.
Like Elvis before me, I, too, am what you’d call a “Twinless Twin”. And also like Elvis, Liberace, Jason Kay, Philip Dick to name a few, just the idea that we shared our mother’s womb with another person is mind-blowing in itself. For years, I’d have conversations with myself imagining that it was him that I was talking to. Sounds insane, I know. But unless you were part of a multiple birth, you really wouldn’t know. This gap remains open between now and the promised paradise. It’s still a mystery to me why he didn’t make it, and yet I did. I know that I’m the oldest of the two, but was the strongest as well? I wish I could answer that.
To this day, when I see twins, I can only imagine both of our lives would be if Jawon were here today. Originally our names were going to be names that rhyme (very common among twins), “Javon” and “Jawon” were our names. But when our parents found out that he had been stillborn, mom scrapped naming us with the names mentioned. Mom said that we were fraternal, not identical. Either way, we both shared our mother’s womb. I’ve had fantasies about that as of late. We’d have the same jobs, marry women who, like he and I, are also twins, we’d both be poets, preachers, photographers, musicians, I’m just saying that anything’s possible. It’s nice knowing that I did have a sibling but for a very short while, literally. But it’s also up to me to make it to the promised land so we can embrace one another again. Only thing that sucks is that he died as a baby, so we’ll have to raise him as one. King Solomon once observed that he congratulated the dead who had already died rather than the living who are still alive. Better than both of them who had not come to be to see the calamitous things under the sun. I know that my late twin resides in God’s memory. So he has the hope of a resurrection. I only hope that he won’t have to look far to find me.
I’ll say this in closing. Jawon was more calculated, ballsier, and had a better commanding voice than I did. I’ll go so far to say that he was a far better man than me.
“Once a Twin, Always a Twin,”