I’ve had an epiphany today. One of an unusual source. At 38, I’m beginning to appreciate my single state. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted that special someone. I always viewed my singleness as a burden up until recently. Now I’ve had girlfriends before, and I’ve had relationships before. Enjoyed having that luxury and the perks that came with such. I do on occasion crave a mate, but there are some things that I wish to do before I make that sacrifice. Travel abroad, own a motorcycle, drive a stick shift car, make some extra money, go on a cruise, etc.. Were I to marry right now, I’d be very miserable. And to top it off, for the first time in ten years, I’m living by myself again. No man who’s over 30 should be under his parents roof anyway. With the exception of he or (one of) his parents has some physical, or mental disabilities of some sort. Like I said before, I’m on my own again, and I like the freedom of my space. As long as I can pay the bills every month, I’m golden, as it were. This epiphany that I had was about my last relationship. Long story short, she had an issue with submissiveness, as did I. So despite our efforts to keep the fires burning, the relationship went bust! But what really frightened me was that after years of living a sheltered life, and living on my own for two occasions, was that I never got to enjoy my single life to the full. I’ll say this again also, if I were married right now, I’d be miserable because like I said in another blog that I posted, I was about to dive into something that I really wasn’t ready for. In other words, I was gonna give up my freedom (prior to being on my own again) that I never got to experience the full benefits of. I have freedoms, I have opportunities, I even have advantages, and with ALL of them comes responsibility. It took me awhile to learn that as well. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that after years of trying to get possession of my own vessel and keeping my body members under control, that I am finally past the bloom of youth. It’s funny. A year ago, I was crying like a baby, literally, over the last woman who walked out on me. A year later, I find out that it’s the best thing that ever happened to me yet. She said that I was better off single anyway. I think she was right. At my age, I’m more selective in what I want in a mate, more selective in what I want period. And my standards are quite high. And my reasoning is if you, being a woman, wish to relieve me of my singleness, I DEMAND that you bring something to the table. If you want a commitment, then give me something to commit to. But for now, I’m enjoying my single state. I can come and go as I please, and, I do so at my expense alone. No kids, either. Thank God for that. Esp. in this troubled economy. The Bible says that those who marry will have tribulation in their flesh. That was the culmination of the epiphany! I currently have more than enough tribulation as it is. The less I have, the better. Funny how being single you’re not as targeted as you are when you’re married. Being raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, we view marriage very seriously, no exception. So being on guard is must. So I no longer view singleness as a burden. I view it as an avenue of opportunity from all walks of life. I no longer shed tears over the women who walked out on me, come to find out (down the road) that it was God’s spirit protecting me. I view my singleness to be an example to the young ones in the congregation as well as in the neighbourhood. And given the times we are living in today, I really don’t think that I could cut the mustard as a husband. I’m stubborn, impatient, have a low tolerance level of people past a certain age with childlike habits, I get worked up easily, I keep account of every injustice done to me under the sun (not healthy, I know), I’m an outspoken, straightforward, no nonsense kind of individual. That’s just how I am, I’m just being real. After years of trial and error in the dating game, I’m not ready to make sacrifice just yet. I do crave the companionship of a woman, but for now, baby, single life is just too much dang fun!
And one last thing; a man should have at least six months to a year of being on his own before wanting to settle down. Most men who went from their parents house to the house of their wives found themselves later regretting it down the road. He should have some time to himself to collect his thoughts, just to see if he can handle the responsibility and the pressures of holding is own before he takes on an even bigger responsibility such as marriage. Very rare it is that a man will go from his parents house straight to the house of his mate and yet maintain his joy.
“The biggest coward of a man is one who awakens the love of a woman without the intent of loving her.”