My mind is overflowing with everything under the sun on this subject. I have, in recent months began to look at the things that I have, more than the things I once had, or yet to have. Either way, the world is looking different to me at 38, soon to be 39, than it did earlier in my third decade if life.
As I embrace the cusp of my fourth decade on earth, I’ve come to the realization that some things I have to let go of, any obsessions that I have, they gotta go as well. Certain habits that I’ve had for years-especially unhealthy, if not unCLEAN ones-time to rid myself of those as well. It’s like some things I just can’t do anymore, and I’m beginning to accept that. I’ve learned to come to grips with a lot these past few months. Earlier this year, my mother retired after forty plus years of working, over half of that time was with the water board. After a decade of living together, we parted ways as I took over the house and she moved to the suburbs. Everything had changed! This was the first time in a decade that I had lived on my own. And again I saw things differently meaning that I had to do things differently. The first time I moved out, I was 27. I thought I could do whatever and get away with it! Boy, was I ever so humbled. And it took all this time to realize that, too. Ten years later at 37, now 38, I’m playing by a different set of rules. Even though I had moved some things, and got rid if a lot of stuff, I was having epiphanies about my relationship status. Despite the fact that I had something going with some relationships I’ve had these past few years, I’m living by myself, and I’m realizing that I like my space, but at the same time, a part of me craves a mate. Note the adjective; CRAVE! That being said, not too say that I’ll never commit again, but after living by myself for nearly a year now, the single life is just too fun! And yes, I’m rubbing it in, too!
I can come and go as I please, and it’s quiet. So quiet you can hear a mouse piss on cotton! But since I’ve last dated, I’ve embraced new things; playing bass guitar, trying to learn Hindi, reading the bible more often, buying food for the house, making sure that the utilities are paid on time, saving more if possible, and my favourite past time of them all, photography. I’ve done two weddings this year, some aerial photography, and I’ve even composed more poetry, AND have performed my poetry in nightclubs. That was a good experience. One lady I dated, got me back into poetry as well as exposed me to Bollywood. Before I knew it, I was transferred to a facility downtown where one-third of my coworkers came from India, and I started going to Bollywood concerts and an Indian ballet, and a few attempts to learn Hindi all because if those few seeds that she planted. Sadly, the relationship didn’t do very well, but I enjoyed the experience to say the least.
Eventually I’ll find somebody again, but for now, I like my freedom. I get to do things and try some new things out. Already some prospects have come my way, but I won’t rush anything at this point in time. I’m utilizing my singleness for other things. Maybe after I celebrate my first year of independence, I might consider it. But for now, leaving the ‘hood is my current focal point. That, and finishing this last year of school!